8 Things All Military Wives Know To Be True
It really isn’t glamorous
Yes, I know what you’re thinking. We all love a man in uniform. And it’s true. No fancy suit can compare to how my husband looks in his ASUs. But the part that nobody talks about is the gross PT uniform! Anyone that has inadvertently touched sweaty PTs that smell worse than a garbage truck will know exactly what I’m talking about. Suddenly the uniform doesn’t seem so cute anymore. And don’t get me started on welcoming your soldier home from a 10 day rotation in the box. Sans shower. You can’t pretend the reunion cuddle is sweet.
The love/hate relationship you have with those boots
There isn’t a better sight than your spouse's dirty boots and ruck after a long period of absence. He’s home. He’s safe. We’re together. But about a week after their return, when you’re tired of seeing mud being dragged around the house and tripping over the stuff left in the doorway from a ruck that is still yet to be unpacked, the sight of those boots no longer gives you such a warm, fuzzy feeling.
Not all reunions are filled with sunshine and daisies
At our last duty station, I became accustomed to welcoming my husband home for such short periods. He’d go training in a foreign country for a month, return home for a few days and leave again for another month. The coming and going is pretty hard to take. Obviously I was so overjoyed to see him, even if just for a few short days, but there’s an element of self protection too. You don’t want to get too excited or attached to the idea of him being home because you know he’s about to leave again and the cycle is about to restart. Not knowing how to react to someone coming home is totally normal and you don’t need to feel bad if it’s not filled with extreme happiness. We have our own routines when our spouse is gone and it can be hard to readjust to fit them back in when they return, especially when it’s just for a few days.
You can be happy when they’re gone
So many people talk about how they’re just keeping their head above water when their spouse is gone and how it’s all just about survival. Of course, to some extent, this is true. Given the choice you’d absolutely pick to have your spouse home, and some days are rough. But on other days, you are happy. You have your routine and you’re getting on with life. It’s not all a hot mess when they’re gone and we need to focus on the positive times too.
That dream job probably won’t happen
This is the biggest struggle for most military spouses. We move so frequently that trying to commit to a job for long enough to see any sort of career progression is almost impossible. And even if you do get a little bit of stability for long enough to sustain some sort of career, you’re lightyears behind peers in terms of experience thanks to those OCONUS PCS moves and periods of unavoidable unemployment.
People love to tell you that you knew what you were getting yourself into
People love to drop this one into conversation, suggesting you somehow had a 6th sense for all the crazy things that were about to happen and how they would make you feel. There’s a gigantic difference between knowing you’ll have to make sacrifices and actually seeing what those sacrifices are and how they make you feel. You’re entitled to grieve the loss of your career or the loss of the home in the area you’d always dreamed of living in. Unfortunately it’s something most civilians just can’t understand.
You’ll always come second
The Army always comes first. Mission readiness comes ahead of all else. So this means missed birthdays, missed anniversaries and graduations etc. You don’t move where you want to go, where will be best for your career, where your family is located. No, you go where the Army sends you. You learn to make the best of everything that is thrown at you, but it doesn’t mean that you don’t sometimes feel like everything is second best.
You’re bound by the army’s rules, even as a dependent
This means strict adherence to OPSEC. It means keeping all details of your spouses training calendar to yourself. Not discussing travel arrangements or dates for troops. Being unable to discuss details of an upcoming deployment with family back at home. These rules are put in place to protect soldiers and it is so vitally important we all follow them. But it can be surprising to find some of the military rules and regulations start impacting you, as a spouse too.