What I wish I'd known before planning a wedding

Newly engaged? Congratulations! It's such a happy and exciting time. Yet, often, once the initial joy of this huge life event starts to subside, you can be left feeling overwhelmed by all there is to do before the big day. It's easy to blow it out of proportion and find yourself getting carried away worrying about all the things you feel you should be doing. But, wedding planning should be fun! So, be sure to set a clear budget, make some lists of the things that are important to you and enjoy this special time in your life!

With this in mind, here are some things I wish I'd known before I started planning my wedding.

You can't please everyone

Some guests prefer a buffet, others prefer a formal wedding breakfast. For some, the highlight of a wedding is the cocktail hour, other guests don't drink. You quickly realise that you can't keep everyone, including yourselves, happy. And trying to achieve the impossible just leads to a whole load of stress that doesn't benefit anyone. Instead, you should try and consider things in a general sense. For example, would you like to stand for 2 hours while photos are taken? If the answer is no, try and find a venue that provides seating while guests wait. If you are aware that a large number of guests don't like spicy food, pick a more bland menu and don't worry about the guests that LOVE spice- it's only one day, they'll manage. You can try and please the majority of guests with the majority of things but you can't please each individual with every little detail. The day should unravel in the way the bride and groom want, with consideration for the overall need of their guests.

Expensive doesn't always mean better

A lot of companies that market themselves towards providing wedding services often charge extortionate prices. I found that if you requested to book a marquee for a general party, the price was significantly less than if requested for a wedding. Wedding providers are aware that you are willing to pay a higher than average price to ensure your day runs smoothly and they capitalise on this wherever possible. Don't get too hung up trying to choose a specialist 'wedding florist' to provide your bouquets. It is more than likely that your local florist, who has been in business for numerous years, is perfectly capable of producing excellent wedding flowers. My seamstress recommended a florist to me who charged significantly less than expected for beautiful flowers. On this note, it is important to consider that the wedding providers you are already working with see weddings day in day out! They know who always arrives on time, makes delicious cakes, who's flowers are always in beautiful condition. Their firsthand experience is far more valuable than a google search so don't be afraid to ask them for recommendations!

Ask for opinions and advice from your florist, seamstress etc.

Let your providers guide you when picking out your wedding details. I initially wanted ivory and red roses until my florist told me it was a bad idea to put two strong colours like that against each other. As blunt as this sounds, I truly appreciated her honesty! It would've looked too matchy-matchy and she was absolutely right about the colours being too strong. Unless you are super experienced with this kind of thing, it is very hard to visualise. Ask for their suggestions and let them tell you when your ideas are bad! Putting three flavours in our cake was the idea of our decorator. It allowed us to put more standard flavours, like chocolate and vanilla, that we knew most people liked, with more sophisticated strawberry and champagne flavour. Remember that they likely know better than you when it comes to what works and what doesn't!

Pick a venue with an experienced wedding coordinator that is used to hosting weddings

Having an experienced wedding coordinator is an invaluable tool during the planning process. A wedding coordinator can give you so many ideas and suggestions for extras to include on the day. They helped us pick our evening entertainment as well as a pianist to play during the cocktail hour. Having someone tell you different things they have seen people do in your particular venue can give you so many different ideas! It also means you aren't selecting random companies to work on your wedding day. Your coordinator should give you a list of providers so you don't have to worry about the quality or reliability of the services you choose. Our coordinator also liaised between the different providers working on our wedding day, ensuring the day was flowing smoothly and we weren't being bothered by a million questions! They also made sure our guests were in the areas they needed to be at the right times which meant we had nothing to think about, other than enjoying ourselves.

Limit the number of people you take wedding dress shopping

While it sounds like a fun idea to bring a big group of girlfriends and family members dress shopping, it really isn't advisable. The dress is for you, and you alone. It doesn't matter if one friend prefers the first dress but another prefers the third. Having these opinions just makes the process more confusing and distracts your attention from what YOU want and what makes you feel good, which is all that really matters. I'd recommend limiting the group to one or two people that will only be there to let you know if something doesn't fit right or isn't flattering, not to crowbar their opinions into the mix.

Don't stint on your seamstress

Your seamstress is truly your best friend during this process! They work miracles on your gown, making sure you look like royalty on the day. There is noting worse than an ill-fitting dress, or feeling uncomfortable on your big day, so this is not an area to try and save money on. Before you let anyone cut up your dress, or make drastic changes, take your time to research and find someone that REALLY knows what they're doing. My seamstress created a little top to cover my shoulders during the church ceremony and significantly reduced the size of my dress. They also added my husband's army name tag to my garter to add a personal touch. I felt so comfortable on the day and my dress fit like a glove!

Find a wedding day dresser

This was something I hadn't considered at all when I bought my dress. How was I ever going to put this huge ball gown on? My dress had a tight corset that laced up the back. Neither I, nor my mum or bridesmaids had ever fastened anything quite like it and we would've been VERY stuck on the day had it not been for my wedding day dresser. My dresser happened to also be my seamstress and she was a godsend. She arrived early to steam and prep all the dresses. She tied my corset beautifully and the dress didn't slide at all during the day. I wouldn't have felt so confident during the day had it not been for her. So, either find a wedding day dresser or buy a dress you know you can put on yourself!

Don't feel obliged to invite people you don't want

There can be a lot of pressure to have a big wedding. Whether that is from photos you have seen on instagram, or pressure from your family to invite certain friends and distant cousins to avoid drama. It can be overwhelming trying to decide who you should and shouldn't invite. While this is an entirely personal decision, it's your day and you get to choose who you spend it with so try and put the conflicting opinions to the back of your mind and make a choice based on what YOU want.

Consider what you really need before creating a registry

While a traditional gift registry contains items like kitchenware, dinner plates, crystal champagne flutes etc., this is often impractical in today's society. If, like us, you have already lived together prior to getting married, you may find that these are items you don't particularly need, or want. In this case, consider different types of gift registries. We set up two online via the knot. One was a furniture fund and the other a honeymoon fund. We put half the money towards a dining table and the other half towards a honeymoon in the Seychelles. For us, this made much more sense, particularly since we move so often that fragile items are undoubtedly going to break eventually!

Do you want guests to use their mobile phone?

This can be a contentious issue. Some bride and grooms request no mobile phone usage on the day, whereas others allow it but ask that no photos are uploaded online before they have the chance to do so themselves. It's natural to not want someone to reveal your wedding dress to the world before you do, but how you choose to handle it can be difficult. Family often want the chance to take their own photographs to document the day in their own way and it can be difficult to deny this. However, if you don't trust your guests to keep pictures off social media, you may feel the need to take a stricter approach. Finding a tactful solution is tricky, so this is something you should consider well in advance.

Set a deadline for guests to RSVP with their dietary requirements

Catering to everyone's dietary requirements is a headache for both you and your wedding coordinator. It's a lot of extra work to make sure staff know who exactly has which requirements and where they will be seated. Out of courtesy, you should aim to give your venue as much notice as possible find suitable alternatives for these guests. This is why it could be useful to set a deadline to request a different meal. Setting reasonable boundaries will help later, and will eliminate frantically trying to arrange a vegan meal for a guest you didn't know had such requirements until the very last minute.

Think about comfort when picking out wedding shoes

It's about comfort over style every day when talking about wedding shoes! Sure, you see some pictures of beautiful shoes on instagram but think how long you'll be wearing them! I wore mine for at least 13 hours and I don't think I could've stood for that long in 6 inch stilettos. You don't want to feel so sore you can't dance the night away! Or find you have to remove your shoes only to discover your dress is now too long and is dragging along the floor. As ugly as I thought my shoes were, nobody saw them and I was comfortable in them all day.

Don't be afraid to shop around for venues

Be open minded when looking for venues. Maybe you've had your heart set on a certain place since you were a little girl, but that doesn't mean there isn't somewhere better out there. I loved that our venue had different rooms that guests flowed to at different points during the day. Each room offered something different and I think it helped keep our guests entertained on what was, invariably, a long day. It wasn't the venue I thought I'd pick but it offered so much more than the others I saw. You may find that certain locations provide things you had never even considered! Don't make hasty decisions until you've explored all of your options.

Having more bridesmaids makes things more difficult

Trying to pick bridesmaids dresses was way harder than I anticipated. You have to consider different personalities, body shapes and styles to make sure everyone feels comfortable in their outfit. This is further complicated if you have many bridesmaids. You can't possibly keep everyone happy and you don't need the stress of feeling like you're making a good friend uncomfortable. So make it easy for yourself and keep your numbers small.

Take the time to pick a good photographer

Memories fade but good photos don't! Your wedding photos are something you will treasure forever. It's worth paying good money and doing research to find someone you trust. A good photographer should make you feel comfortable and not intrude on the flow of the day, just document it as it happens. You should feel able to ask for certain types of photographs and request that other things aren't documented.

So...

At the end of the day, the little details don't matter. I don't really remember what our centrepieces looked like, but I remember the beautiful speeches. I don't remember what the hors d'oeuvre were, but I remember having such a good time socialising with our guests during cocktail hour. The important thing is that you are getting married surrounded by your family and friends! So, focus on that, and let the little details fall into place.